Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Asshat, Aisle 10

Today I decided to go to Target on my lunch break. As I started to climb down the flights of stairs in my office building, I tripped over a step. Luckily I grabbed hold of the rail and instead of falling down the remaining stairs, my body slammed into the railing, banging my right knee. I should have taken that as a sign to turn around and head back to the safety of my office.

As I got into my car, I slammed my right knee into the lower part of my dashboard. Again, another sign that I ignored.

Strolling around Target, a customer came up to me and asked where something was. I looked at her, puzzled, and decided that I will NEVER wear a red shirt to Target again.

When I was done, I waited in line for the express lanes. The people waiting had created one line to wait for all four express lane registers. I was probably the third person in line when this guy comes up, starts to wait right next to a register, but then is told by the customers in front of me that they're in line. So he comes and waits in line right next to the woman in front of me, apparently not seeing (or ignoring) me. So when I go up to go to a register, he screams, "NO! I'm in line! You're behind me!" I tried to argue reasonably with him, "Actually, no. I was in line when you came up to get in line. I was right behind her." "NO!," he screamed. So, I reluctantly got behind him, all the while he's cursing under his breath. The guy behind him, who came up after all this happened, says to me, "Oh, I guess I'll let you get in front of me." And I try to convince him, "Actually, I really was here before him....and you." I was done at the register before the mean guy was and I was pulling out of the parking lot as he was walking out of the store. He crossed in front of my car and I revved my engine while in neutral. He knew I was pissed. Asshat!

For whatever reasons (::cough:: and maybe hormones ::cough::), everything I described above was too much - I just lost it. Before returning to my office, I sat in my car and cried. I kept telling myself, "It's no big deal! That guy was just an ass! You're just having a bad moment." I pulled myself together and went back to work. Thankfully I got to vent to my co-workers, who had their own Target horror stories, including one about a guy vomiting profusely in the middle of the cash registers. Hey! Maybe it was the guy who was rude to me! He suffers from a rare condition of Asshat-at-Target-itis!

My day got better, though, when I went for my first training session at the gym tonight. The trainer was very, very impressed when I told him my success thus far. I had done a half-hour of cardio on the eliptical before my training session, so he was especially impressed with my cardio as I kept up with the squats, lunges, squats, leg press, squats, leg extensions, squats, leg abduction, squats... Did I mention squats? I signed up for six more training sessions to put the icing on the cake between now and my wedding. I need to be properly armed. Get it? ::taps mic:: Is this thing on?

"Doesn't matter how well prepped you are or how well armed you are, you're a little girl." - Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer


  1. OMG, I TOTALLY have those moments where even the littlest things are just too much.

  2. What is it about Target? I think Target and Costco breed the most parking spot stealers too.

  3. The icing on the cake so you can have icing on your wedding cake?!

    I haven't had a bad Target experience like that. Knock on wood.

  4. I'm exhausted just reading about the squats, lunges, squats, leg press, squats, leg extensions, squats, leg abduction, squats... and more squats...

    Way to go, exercise queen! :-)

  5. Ugh, I hate those days...sorry you had one. But at least you got your cry in. And to top it off, you're getting married soon! Yay! :)

  6. stupid bully. don't feel bad. i almost lost it when my dentist's new receptionist grilled me in front of everyone about our account that has been "OPEN SINCE LAST YEAR."

  7. No, this thing's off.
    Man, stupid knee. Stupid Target. Stupid asshat.